I can't believe he's gone....
by sillyg
Summary: Rentfic: Roger's death brings the gang together for a memory fest that turns dark when they learn things about Mark and Roger that they hadn't known...(no, im sorry it's not m/r...read it and you will understand...please read! Please review! *likes review
1. Prologue

Author's note: these characters aren't mine

Author's note: these characters aren't mine. They belong to the late great Jonathan Larson.

The minister stood beside the open grave and faced the group of assembled mourners. This wasn't the first time he had seen a family come together under stress and it probably wouldn't be the last. The saddest part was that he remembered the boy that he was now burying. Roger Davis had been an outgoing member of the community in his youth. The minister never understood why he left for New York but he wished that he hadn't returned home the way that he did. In a coffin.

The separation over the grave was almost comical. On one side stood Roger's family, or at least the people he called family. Mimi, Mark, Collins, Maureen and Joanne stood shoulder to shoulder in the bright sunshine as they watched the coffin lower into the ground. They couldn't believe he was really gone. On the other side stood Roger's other family, the one that he had chosen to shut out the last few years. His three older sisters stood together in shock, not even reaching out for the comfort of their husbands who stood behind them. They stood together and watched as the minister dropped a handful of dirt onto the coffin that held their baby brother…their only brother. His mother and father stood leaning against each other for support as they watched their baby be lowered into the ground. How could he be dead when he had only just begun to live?

Mimi couldn't take it anymore. She turned and buried her head in Mark's shoulder and sobbed because she was the one who was left behind. She had come back for him but he hadn't come back for her and now she had to face life on her own again. No. Not alone, she had this family of friends. They wouldn't abandon her. 

"How can he be gone, Mark?" she asked in a quivering voice. "He was healthy two weeks ago…and then he just faded before our eyes"

"I don't know, Mimi, I don't know." For the usually eloquent filmmaker this was an unusually short statement. He usually couldn't keep quiet but in the last two weeks he had become more and more silent as he watched his best friend wilt and fade before his eyes. He couldn't believe that Roger was really gone. He couldn't believe he wouldn't be spending days yelling at Roger to pick up the music sheets left all over the loft or telling Roger to take his AZT. 

The small group of mourners followed the minister away from the graveside. They were like a lost flock not knowing what to do. Roger's friends followed his family out the gates and down to the cars where Mrs. Davis turned around and looked at them with pleading eyes.

"Please come back to the house for lunch. We feel that we don't know the son we just buried…we only know the little boy who ran in the yard. Come back and tell us what he was like in his last few years…" She broke off and turned to face her husband with tears running down her face. 

"Why don't you follow us back to the house?" Mr. Davis asked gruffly, "we all need to sit down and talk about the boy we just buried. It will help us grieve and your presence would be appreciated."

The New Yorkers nodded and all climbed into Joanne's rental car. On the drive over to the Davis' no one spoke. No one really knew what to say. How could Roger be dead? It didn't seem possible. It seemed like only yesterday that Roger had walked into the loft, healthy, and happy to have Mimi back with him. It had only been a month since Christmas and she was getting stronger. Her hair had even started to shine again. 

Mark didn't even turn around when he heard the lock turn in the door. He knew it was Roger. Everyone else who had the keys was already in the loft, sitting around, talking. This had become a normal occurrence in the month since Christmas. They were more of a family then ever and spent every free moment together. Roger walked into the room and put down his guitar case before coming over to give Mimi a kiss and then sitting down with her on the couch. She promptly rearranged herself so that they were completely entangled in the blanket she had wrapped around herself and he had no way of escaping. Not that he wanted to.

"I missed you" she whispered in his ear as he faced their friends.

"Not as much as I missed you" he whispered back before giving her a scalding kiss.

"Come on you two! Cut it out! Get a room!" the good natured jibs came from around the room as everyone poked fun at Mimi and Roger as they playfully made out on the couch…

Looking back on that joyful time it was hard not to burst into tears. Mimi couldn't believe that her sweet musician would never be there to hold her again…

"Roger where have you been?" she asked worriedly when he clumped into the loft two weeks ago. She hadn't ever seen him look this down.

"I went for a walk that's all." Roger stated before collapsing next to her on the threadbare couch. 

"Honey, you're freezing! You went for a walk in January? Are you nuts?" Mimi exclaimed as she got a good look at his face and felt his ice-cold hands touch her. "We have to warm you up…here take off the damp shirt and wet socks…wrap up in this blanket…just sit here and warm up…the best source of heat is another person so I'm not leaving until you're warmed up." And they sat like that all afternoon, long after he had thawed. But that was the beginning of the end. The next morning he woke up with a cold, which quickly became pneumonia…he was gone in less then a month. He wouldn't go to the hospital, no matter how much Mimi and Mark begged him to. He just lay on the futon in the corner and got sicker and weaker while his friends gathered together around him until finally they were all living in the loft, even Benny. None of them could bear to leave when they knew that they might not ever see the enigmatic songwriter again. 

"Don't talk honey, save your strength…" Mimi whispered to him. "We want you to get better." She sat beside him on the futon and held him in her arms, knowing that his life was slipping from him at a pace that was too quick for him. The others were gathered around them watching a sight they never thought they'd see…Roger, too weak to do anything but watch his beloved Mimi while she took care of him.

Mark sat next to the bed; for once there was no camera in his hands. He didn't think that Roger would appreciate him if he filmed his last days. So he had left the camera in the kitchen and was just sitting, surrounded by friends while they watched him fade away before their eyes. 

There's more to come but you have to review it to get another chapter! Please review it and let me know what you think!


	2. Memories surface

(Author's Note: They aren't mine…God I wish I was brilliant enough to create characters that would effect as many people as these have

(Author's Note: They aren't mine…God I wish I was brilliant enough to create characters that would effect as many people as these have. Jonathan Larson was a genius. Roger's family and their quirks however are mine…)

[Picks up in the loft on Roger's last day]

"Mimi, I love you…I always will…you are the most important wonderful thing in my life…" Roger whispered these words while gazing into the face of the girl he loved so much. He had never been able to tell a girl he loved her. Not even his mother had heard him say that after he hit his teenage years and it wasn't 'cool' to tell your mom you loved her. He knew he was doing the right thing though. Mimi needed to know that she was the most important person…She needed to hear the words as much as he needed to say them. He knew that it wouldn't be long now. He could feel awareness slipping away from him as he spoke. God, he didn't want to die. He wanted to live a long life of happiness with his friends. He wanted this family to last forever. 

He had known how worried they were when they slowly came to the loft and just…stayed. The loft was not big enough to house seven people but they wouldn't go home. They just sat around him and tried to keep him happy and comfortable. These last few days had been a wonderful return to the days before the drugs and sickness. There were faces that were missing but Angel and April were both there in spirit, he could feel them near by. They spent the hours talking, reminiscing about the wonder of the last year and about life in general. No one fought. They all remembered what it was like to be a family. Even Maureen and Benny were getting along and he was being so kind that Roger could remember why they had all been friends in the first place. 

"Shhhh honey…don't waste your breath. Just lie still. Please…" her words slipped out softly as a tear ran down her face. Mimi couldn't believe that the man who had been such a turning force in her life was dying. He had finally managed to get her clean and healthy and in doing so had become weak himself. And then that one fateful walk and he was down with the illness that would kill him. She had watched him fade for the past two weeks from a tall strong virulent man to a shrunken shadow of the man that she loved. She still saw him as she had the first time. He had walked into the KSC with her then boyfriend Benny and Mark. They didn't actually meet that night but she remembered him. And she still remembered the way her breath caught when the loft door opened and she discovered that the man she had been thinking about (on and off) for the past year lived right upstairs. She had known that he was the one in that moment. She never gave a guy another thought if they didn't make an impression but this one she remembered for a year without ever talking to him…talk about strong impression. 

Roger's eyes fluttered closed and she caught her breath. Was it over? Was he really gone? But no they opened again and she saw in those incredible blue eyes a depth of love that she didn't know existed. Why was God so cruel as to give her this incredible person to love only to take him away? It didn't seem fair. It wasn't fair! Why??? He let her come back from the dead to be with Roger and now he was taking him away…It wasn't fair.

"God she's so beautiful. Look at the way that her eyes just scream what she's feeling. I've never seen someone as beautiful as she is. And I have never known a woman who could love me for being myself. I am so lucky to have had her at all. Why does it have to end?" Roger thought to himself as he gazed into her eyes with all the love he could muster. 

Mark, Collins, Benny, Maureen, and Joanne sat beside the bed and watched this intense exchange of emotion. They were all in shock. How could Roger be dying? It didn't seem possible. 

"Roger, please let us take you to a hospital…there might still be time…" the words were out of Mark's mouth before he knew that he was thinking them. 

"Please Roger, let us try. I can pay the bills. Let us try and save you." Benny's words followed Mark's and everyone looked at him in amazement. The usual-tightfisted Benny was going to come through for them like he always did. He had offered before but Roger wouldn't take his money and wouldn't go see a doctor. 

"Cough…Cough…it's to late guys. I know I won't last much longer. The hospital would be a waste. Plus I would rather die here, at home, surrounded by the family that I love." Roger's words made Maureen turn and bury her head in Joanne's shoulder. He knew he was dying! She couldn't stand it. They may never have gotten along but she loved him in her own way. Roger was always like a big brother to her and Mark. How would they get along with out him to bully them and tell them what to do? She would miss him and wish that he were there as much as the rest of them. 

Joanne put an arm around Maureen and held her head to her shoulder. She could hardly look at any of them. She knew that if she did she would break down crying and she didn't want them to see her cry. Roger was such an integral part of this group. He was gruff and short to speak but he would have done anything for them, she knew, even her. He had accepted her into this family with out a second thought. 

Mark watched from the outside of this group. He couldn't allow himself to become involved. He couldn't allow himself to contemplate the Roger wouldn't be with them forever. His best friend couldn't be dying and leaving him. He had just come home. He couldn't be leaving him again. But he knew, deep down in his soul, he knew that Roger didn't have much time. He had gone from being a person that Mark wouldn't want to fight with to someone who could hardly stand because he had become so weak. His skin had become so pale that you could see the intricate work of veins under his eyes and his hair stood out from his head like a bright yellow halo. It hadn't paled but it had become thin. The only part of his physical appearance that didn't change was his eyes. They were still the same intense blue that they had been when Mark first met him. They spoke more about Roger then he spoke about himself. He might have been a man of little words who didn't share much but he couldn't hide anything in his eyes. Now watching him look up at Mimi with all the love that he possessed Mark knew that it really was over. Roger wasn't going to get better. He was never going to wake up and see Roger sitting on the table playing his guitar again. The guitar…

"Here Roger, I found this the other day and I thought you might like it." He got up and went into his corner of the room and pulled out a piece of paper from the milk crate that served as his bedside table. "It's the first song you wrote after you moved in. I found it in a pile of stuff the other day and saved it. I figured you'd want it again someday." Mimi took the paper and read the words with a small smile on her face. She showed it to Roger and he started to hum the tune slowly. It brought a smile to all their faces to see Roger making music again. 

(Author's note: I won't claim to be a songwriter so if anyone has any bright ideas for a song and would like to contribute them to this story I'd appreciate it. I would of course assume no credit for the song.)

[Jump back to present day]

The car pulled up in front of a small house in suburbia. The group of friends got out and looked in wonder at Roger's childhood home. They couldn't reconcile the image of their friend with the thought of him as a child playing in this neighborhood. It was extremely cliché. The white picket fence even had a perfect little mailbox with the name 'Davis' on the side. 

"Okay guys… they're waiting for us" Mark began to walk slowly up the front path. Collins, Benny, Maureen and Joanne followed him but Mimi just stood and looked at the house with a pained expression on her face. She couldn't bear the thought of walking into this house and being surrounded by pictures of her love as a small child. She couldn't look at his family and not see him…She squared her shoulders. She owed this to him. She could give his family the one thing that he couldn't. She could give them the memories that made Roger so incredibly special and such a wonderful person. She followed them up the path and through the door.

"Please come in. Here let me take your coats." Mr. Davis relieved them of their outer garments and led them into the family room where Roger's mom and sisters were waiting. They stood and looked at each other for a minute before Mrs. Davis said, "oh, here please take a seat" and they slowly spread themselves around the room. Mimi sat down on the couch and was immediately joined by Mark on one side and Collins on either side of her. They had both been so wonderful to her since Roger had died. Mark was even letting her continue to live in the loft and he had told her that she was welcome there permanently. They had become extremely close in the last few days. They shared something. Something brought them together as Roger's love and best friend. They were constantly together, not even talking, just sitting together or going on walks. And Collins was so generous. When Roger had first died he had been the one who made sure that Mark and Mimi didn't do anything drastic. He kept a close eye on them and kept them fed and healthy. Neither had been able to do anything for themselves. They were in such shock.

Maureen, Joanne and Benny took seats on the floor because the only other chairs in the room went to Mrs. Davis and Roger's sisters. They didn't mind. They had been sitting on the floor of the loft for the last two weeks watching Roger die. 

"Well, I never thought I would have to host something like this and frankly I don't know what to say." Mrs. Davis began the conversation. She looked so very sad. It was hard to see why Roger would run away from this family because they looked like they loved each other so much. The sisters, Maggie, Samantha and Grace, looked like they were in shock. Their husbands didn't look much better even though Roger's friends knew that he hadn't had civil relationships with one of his sister's husbands. 

"Please, tell us about our boy these last few years. The last time he willingly talked to us on the phone was just after Mimi recovered, he was so happy that she got well that he called everyone he knew I think and before that all we had was postcards for the better part of three years. What was he like? I feel like we didn't know him and now we never will." That bit surprised Mimi a bit. Roger had called home and told his parents that she was better? Tears welled in her eyes as she thought of Roger caring so much that he had called the one place that he always refused to call and because of her, his parents had heard his voice one last time before he died. 

"Well…" Mark cleared his throat. "He was doing so well this last year. He stayed healthy. He even got out of New York for a while. But he came home because he missed it too much. We had a loss in our "family" this last year. Collin's love, Angel, died near Halloween and it was hard for us all. Roger went to Sante Fe but he came back to be with us. He was so happy when we found Mimi and she got better. He even found his song. I think I have it recorded somewhere. I'll send it to you Mrs. Davis. He wrote it for Mimi. But I know he would have wanted it to continue to be heard even though he's gone."

"He finally found his song? God I've been hearing about that song for 15 years. I'm so glad that he found it!" Roger's littlest sister, Maggie, spoke up. She had been the closest to Roger. In fact she was the only one that he kept in any kind of contact with. He had even come home four years ago to go to her wedding. That was before April and before the drugs but she was the sister that he had loved the most. She couldn't believe that he was gone. He had sounded healthy last time she talked to him, it was probably around Thanksgiving, and he had called from Sante Fe. He was packing up though. He was going back to New York. He had had a wonderful tone of lightness in his voice when he called. Like he was excited about something. It must have been the song. He had finally found the one thing that he had been looking for his whole life. 

"I promise I will send it here. I know he would want you to hear it." Mimi looked up into Maggie's eyes and saw the anguish that Maggie was feeling in their blue depths. She had Roger's eyes! The same eyes! Mimi broke down crying and had to rush from the room. 

"Mimi??Mimi??" Mark jumped up and followed her outside. Roger's family looked surprised but Benny, Collins, Maureen and Joanne just looked sad and turned back to the family.  


"I'm sorry Mrs. Davis. Mimi has been extremely upset by Roger's death and sometimes the only one who can comfort her is Mark. They have a special bond through Roger and have become close friends since his death." Joanne explained Mimi's exit to Mrs. Davis and then turned to Maggie. "Please don't be upset that she left after looking at you. You have Roger's eyes and I think that she didn't realize that until she looked directly into them. I think it just shocked her. She and Roger were so close that they could have entire conversations just by looking at each other. It was really something beautiful to watch." 

Maggie looked stunned but she nodded and looked over at Samantha and Grace with a quivering lip. They all got up and hugged. They all had Roger's eyes. Now that his friends saw them all together like this they could see the similarities. They had the same eyes, the same long, lengthy look and the same light brown hair. Of course Roger had bleached his but he never did it often enough so it was always a light brown/white blond mix. The families sat in silence while they waited for Mimi and Mark to come back inside. 


	3. The last night

(Author's Note: They aren't mine…I'm not that brilliant…But Roger's Family is…at least the way that I have created them they are)

(Author's Note: They aren't mine…I'm not that brilliant…But Roger's Family is…at least the way that I have created them they are)

Mimi threw open the front door of the house and fled out into the cold afternoon. She couldn't even think straight. God, why had she looked into Maggie's eyes? Why did she have to have his eyes? WHY? She didn't understand. It didn't seem fair that all these people who shared Roger's looks could surround her but not be him. She would have traded anything right then to be at home in his arms again. She missed him so much…

"Why God? WHY did you take him from me? We were getting better? We would have had a happy life! Why did you rip him from me so soon after giving him back to me? Is this some kind of sick joke?" She didn't realize that she was screaming these words at the sky until she felt the cold air attack her throat and she started to cough. Without even realizing whom it was she turned to the comforting arms that were held open behind her. She fell against Mark's chest and sobbed harder then she had since Roger had died. She felt the comforting security of Mark's arms surround her and she just allowed him to hold her. They stood like that for a few minutes crying together. Mark hadn't been able to keep his tears in when he had heard Mimi's words to the God that had taken Roger from them.

"Mark, why? Why would He do something this cruel? Why take Roger away from me when he had so recently pushed me back to him? I don't understand…" Mimi's words were intermingled with tears and coughs because she was still catching her breath from her tirade against the God she thought unfair. "We were getting healthier. We were on our way to leading a happy life. I was going to start looking for a job. He already had one lined up. It just isn't fair." These last words came out with a sob and Mark sat himself down on the front stoop and held Mimi in his arms.

"Mimi, we can't know why He did it. He isn't there to explain it to us. We just have to accept that he did it for a reason." But his words had fallen on deaf ears; Mimi had fallen into an exhausted slumber in his arms. "At least she is finally sleeping" Mark thought to himself. He hadn't told the others but in the days since Roger's death she had been plagued with insomnia. She had even gone so far as to stay up late into the night watching Mark's old films…nothing recent though, she couldn't watch any that featured Roger without crying so she stuck with his earliest films. The films that were from before he met Roger. He sat there cradling her in his lap for a minute before carefully standing and walking back into the house. As he passed the living room he looked in and caught Collin's eye. 

"Mrs. Davis is there a bed we could lay her in for a little while? She hasn't been able to sleep for days…" Collins said this last part without looking at Mark. He didn't want to tell the filmmaker that he had been spending every night of the last few days sitting up with Mimi because he was worried that she would do something drastic. He was always careful to leave before Mark woke up in the morning but now he would know. They had to let Mimi sleep. She couldn't get sick but the way she was running herself ragged she would be sick if she didn't rest soon. 

At the sight of Mark walking into the house with a prone Mimi curled in his arms the entire group had stood up and her friends had started forward with worried looks on their faces. But Mark kept them back with a look that said "don't touch…she'll wake" Mrs. Davis nodded to Collins question and indicated a door up at the top of the stairs. She left them to take her up and turned back to her guest with tears in her eyes. Her baby had been loved. She could see that at least. In the way that the others reacted to Mimi's exhaustion she knew that they had cared for her baby more then friends but as family.

Collins walked up the stairs and opened the door to a room that was as comforting as it was heartbreaking. It was Roger's room. He stopped, stunned, in the doorway. It looked as if Mrs. Davis had not touched anything since Roger had moved out years ago. She must have always hoped he would come home. The walls were plastered with posters advertising various bands that Roger had started in high school and the floor was still littered with music sheets and cast off shoes. The bed was unmade, like it hadn't been touched since its owner left it. He got over his shock just in time to switch on the light before Mark walked in with Mimi still asleep in his arms. He too stopped in the doorway and looked around himself in amazement. He shook off the shock quickly though and walked carefully over to the bed where he laid Mimi down. He took off her sweater and her boots and pulled the light blanket over her. She turned over and sighed. She must have caught the Roger-scent that was still on the bed because she smiled softly and snuggled down into the bed, content to sleep for the moment.

Collins and Mark slowly walked out of the room, shut off the light and closed the door. They walked downstairs together. Every face turned to them when they entered the living room. Looks of concern were visible on every face but a look of sadness was also there. 

"Is she okay?" Benny asked at virtually the same time as Maureen and Joanne. 

Collins and Mark glanced at each other, as if they were deciding something. "She's exhausted." Mark stated. "She hasn't slept since he died. She's been spending the nights on the couch watching my old movies. I guess Collins has been sitting up with her because I thought I was the only one who knew about her insomnia. She is having a very hard time getting over him."

Maureen gasped when Mark said she hadn't slept since Roger died. She had thought Mimi was beginning to look a little tired but she hadn't imagined that it went that far. They couldn't let this continue. If Mimi continued to wear herself so thin she would weaken and get sick. They couldn't let that happen. They couldn't loose another member of their family in so short a time. 

The families sat down again and looked at each other with a sense of loss. They didn't really want to be there. They didn't want to accept that Roger wasn't coming back.

Finally his sister, Grace, spoke up. She was the eldest of the Davis children. Roger had been born when she was almost 10 so she had always looked after him. He had looked up to her as much as he had to his mother and she felt his loss with the same feelings of a mother. "Tell us about him. We know that he was getting back into his music again. You can't know how happy that made us. We had thought he would never play again after he was diagnosed. He had threatened that in one of his postcards."

"Well, he was just beginning to play again last Christmas. He was still vainly in search of his song. He was sure it was there but he could rarely get any more out then Musetta's Waltz…" Mark's mouth curved up softly at the memory of Roger playing those bars of music over and over thinking that they would give him inspiration. "But it wasn't that piece that finally did it for him. It was the piece that is upstairs asleep in his bed. When Mimi came into his life it was like a light had turned back on. I don't think that I have seen him this happy since the beginning of his relationship with April, before the drugs and her death."

"Mimi was the best thing that ever could have happened to Roger." This came from Joanne. They looked at her in surprise. They had always thought that she looked down on the dancer because of her profession but the depth of feeling in her voice told them otherwise. "I know that I have known you all the least amount of time but even I could see that the love that they shared was special. I have never seen a love so deep except with our friend Collins and his Angel. By the time he was gone they didn't even need to speak. They could have entire conversations just with their eyes. I remember watching Roger and Mimi over the year that I have known them and watching them fall more and more deeply in love. If Roger hadn't had that problem with jealousy maybe this would never happened…but then he wouldn't have left and he never would have found his song." Her words trailed off as she looked at her friends.

"Mimi was his song. He finally found inspiration in her." Benny said these words softly. He looked up at them and saw the sneering look in Mark's eyes but chose to ignore it. He knew that they all still despised him to a certain extent for what he had done to Roger and Mimi. But he was trying to fix that. He had paid for the medical emergency New Years Eve when they finally got Mimi to a hospital and then contacted him. He had paid for the groceries in the loft for the last few weeks. He had paid for them to all come here. He knew that money wasn't the way to win their friendship back but besides his unfaltering presence these last few weeks he didn't know what else to give. "She found a way to make him open his eyes and see all the beauty in the world through her. He finally found his song and it was there in front of him for a year before he finally wrote it down." 

"We all watched them fall in love last year and then suffer the consequences of jealousy this year. But we were also there to see them reconnect and realize just how much they meant to each other on New Years. It was truly a beautiful thing to see." Collins remembered the look on Roger's face when he sang his song for Mimi for the first time. He remembered the agony that was in his voice when they thought they had lost her. He had never seen Roger look so incredibly honest and that was when he knew that this was the love of Roger's life. Only love like that could make Roger look like that.

The New York family sat in silence for a moment; each lost in their own memories of the last year. 

[Cut back to Roger's last night]

They sat around his futon, which had been moved to the middle of the room. They surrounded him, trying to give off heat in the cold apartment and trying to show him how much he was loved. He was fading fast. His cough was getting worse and his eyes were getting vaguer as the night went on. He laid on the bed holding Mimi's hands in his and looking around himself with this incredible look of peace on his face. 

His eyes fell on Mark, who was sitting at the end of the futon, watching him. "Mark, you are my best friend but I want you to move on. I don't want you to be like me and fold into yourself when I die. I need to know that you will move on and get on with your life. Plus I need to know that you will be there for Mimi. When I'm gone you will only have each other. Please take care of each other. Do it for me." The words were softly spoken and brought tears to the eyes of his friends but Mark met his gaze with strength. He knew that he could depend on Mark to watch out for his love. He knew that if Mark was there nothing bad would happen and he knew that by giving Mark a mission he was preventing him from doing anything drastic to himself. Mark just nodded, not trusting himself to respond. He would do whatever Roger wanted. He would look after Mimi. He would keep her safe.

"Roger what are you talking about? You aren't going anywhere. We're going to get you healthy and we are going to live happily ever after." Mimi said these words with tears running down her face. Roger looked at the faces around his bed and they all got up and left the couple to speak privately. 

Roger looked deeply into Mimi's gorgeous brown eyes. The eyes that had inspired his song were so incredible. It still took his breath away sometimes. "Mimi, I'm dying. I'm not going to be here much longer. You know this, I know that somewhere, deep down you know this."

"Don't talk like this. You will get better." Mimi was openly crying now, the tears were softly falling onto Roger's t-shirt.

"Please Mimi, look at me and tell me that you know how much I love you and that you know I wouldn't leave you if I didn't have to. I'm not going to make it. I need to know that you can accept this." Mimi opened her eyes and looked into his. She saw the love that he had for her there. It was so intense that it almost hurt to look at. She slowly nodded and leaned down to hug him and cried on his shoulder. He must have signaled the others because they were surrounded again. 

"Collins, never loose your sense of humor. Don't let the world get you down. Never forget what we have learned about love this last year." Collins nodded with tears in his eyes and a small smile on his face as he held Roger's hand. 

"Maureen, you were always the crazy one but I've always thought of you as a sister. Don't do anything to crazy, at least not so crazy that Mark or Joanne can't get you out of it, okay? It's okay to show weakness sometimes…don't bottle it all up inside." He knew those words had struck a cord because she crumbled and turned to Joanne to sob into her shoulder. She had always hid her feelings because she didn't want anyone to think she was weak but she couldn't watch Roger die and hear him say his last words. It was too much.

"Joanne, keep our family together. Don't let them drift apart. Make them stay close. I know that you can do this. I'm leaving you with this responsibility because I know you can do it. Don't let Maureen's antics upset you…you need each other." Joanne clasped his hand and smiled at him as tears ran down her face. She would follow his wishes. She wouldn't let this family die. 

"Benny, you I'm looking to as a friend for the first time. I know we haven't been close this last year but I know I can trust you. Help Joanne with my task. Watch out for our family like you would look after your own family. Don't go back to being the Benny that we all despised this last year. That isn't you. Please continue to be the Benny you have become again. The Benny that moved in with us all those years ago and laughed and lived life with happiness." Benny looked at him with such a look of confidence that Roger could only smile. He knew he could trust him.

"And don't worry, I won't ever make them pay the rent again." Benny told Roger with a small smile. Roger laughed weakly. Leave it to Benny to mention the rent.

Finally he turned to Mimi. He still given her his last wish. He knew that this would be the hardest. He wasn't even sure he could do it. But he had to. He didn't have much time; he could feel the life slipping from his weak body faster. 

"My love, don't let my death be the end of your life. I want you to go on. I want you to share the incredible soul that you have with the world. You deserve to be happy and I know that you don't think that it is possible but someday you will be happy again. I know you will. I don't ever want you feel guilty. I want you to love again. I know that there is someone out there that will love you just as much as I do and I want you to love him. Don't allow yourself to settle down into the life of a widow before you truly begin to live." These words were said in hushed tones but they carried all the weight of his love with them. Mimi could only cry and nod. She would do what he asked. She would go on and live. 

Roger looked around the room at his family and smiled a peaceful smile. He allowed them to see the love that he had for all of them in his eyes before he closed them for the last time. He fell asleep in Mimi's arms, surrounded by his family. 

They watched him sleep for a while before he sighed one last time and stopped breathing. Mimi tried to shake him awake and when he didn't open his eyes she laid him gently down on the bed and slowly stood up. They watched her walk across the room to the phone. She called 911 and reported that Roger Davis had died of complications with AIDS. She gave the address and thanked the operator who said they were sending a team of paramedics over. When she hung up the phone she turned slowly around and started back across the floor when she fainted dead away. Mark jumped up and rushed over to her. He gathered her up in his arms. The others could only sit there and watch. He slapped her lightly on the cheeks. Her eyes opened and she looked up at him and burst into tears. She buried her face in his shirt and he just sat there and rocked her while tears slid down his face. 

Okay…. So do you like it? Please Review! I need to know if it's too melodramatic, sad…give me feedback…


	4. Laughter and tears

(Author's note: They aren't mine…I just like to mess with their lives…{warning: this will probably be a sappy chapter because I am still recovering from the Benny Tour Closing this weekend} But Roger's Family is mine as I have created their personalities

(Author's note: They aren't mine…I just like to mess with their lives…{warning: this will probably be a sappy chapter because I am still recovering from the Benny Tour Closing this weekend} But Roger's Family is mine as I have created their personalities.)

[Picks up where chapter 3 left off]

There was a knock at the door. Collins shook himself out of his shocked state and went answer it. There was a team of paramedics standing in the hall and he ushered them in. They came in quietly and tried to keep a respectful silence while they prepared Roger's body to be removed from the apartment. When they asked Collins what to do with it he said to take it to the morgue and that they would contact them when they knew what the family wanted to have done with it. He hadn't even thought about the fact that they had to call Roger's family and tell them that he was dead. It wasn't something that he wanted to think about. The others in the room just sat around in shock while the paramedics worked but when they went to remove the body Mimi suddenly came to life. She leaped out of Mark's arms and started to follow the paramedics out the door.

"Mimi? Mimi! Where do you think you're going?" Mark asked her. 

"I have to go with him. I can't leave him alone. He'll miss me…" She said all this in a hushed voice while she tried to follow the paramedics down the stairs. Mark grabbed her shoulders and Collins and Benny blocked the door so she couldn't follow.

"Mimi, honey, that isn't him. He's gone. That's just his body. What you loved about him isn't there anymore. He wouldn't want you to sit in a cold morgue all night with his body. You need to be here with us. We need you here." Mark said these words looking directly into Mimi's eyes. He didn't think she could see him though; she was crying so hard there was no way she could see straight. He looked up over her shoulders at Collins and Benny who were still standing in the doorway. They both had looks of extreme pain on their faces. Benny looked like he wanted to step forward and wrap his arms around her but he realized that if he did that she would reject him. She didn't want anyone's comfort except Roger's and maybe, now that he was gone, Mark's. He didn't want to hurt her anymore. 

Mark turned around and looked to Maureen and Joanne for help. He wasn't sure what else to say to her. But they were both dissolved in tears. He turned back around just in time to catch Mimi as she fell into another faint. His words must have gotten through to her. Gently, he picked her up and took her over to the couch that was hastily vacated. Sitting down, he placed her across his lap and started to pat her hands gently, he didn't want to have to slap her again to wake her up. She slowly opened her big brown eyes and the tears began to fall again. She clutched her arms around his neck and screamed into his chest in agony.

"No no no no no" She said the words over and over trying to convince herself that it wasn't true. Roger wasn't really dead. He would wake up tomorrow morning and roll over to nuzzle her neck. Nothing had changed. She soaked Mark's sweater with her tears for a few minutes and felt him stroking her back and trying to comfort her. He was so wonderful to her. What would she do with out him? She sensed a conversation was taking place without her and realized that it was true when she felt Mark gently pass her onto Collins' lap before going to change his shirt. God it was really soaked. She was grateful for the comfort and was content to stay in Collins' lap crying because she couldn't do anything else. She was so grief stricken that there was nothing else that she could do. 

Mark slowly got up from the couch and walked into his room. He shut the door and then peeled off his shirt and began rummaging about for another one. Digging through a pile of clothes on the floor he came across an old t-shirt of Roger's. It was from CBGB's and so thread bare that Roger couldn't wear it because his arms were beginning to rip the seams…he had shrunk it in his first and last attempt to do laundry and had given it to Mark after wearing it to bits. Mark stood and looked at that shirt for a moment before he realized that he had tears pouring down his face. He buried it back under the pile of clothing and pulled on a nameless shirt that wouldn't evoke hundreds of memories from his friends. Walking out of his room he turned and looked back at the disaster area that was his room and realized just how much of his stuff had been given to him by Roger. He had given him everything he could…well Mark would do everything in his power to give him his final wish. He would watch Mimi and protect her. He wouldn't let anything bad happen to her. 

He walked back into the main room and started towards the phone. Picking it up he dragged it across the room until it was stretched to the bathroom. He dialed a number and then took the receiver with him into the bathroom and shut the door. His friends watched all this with confused looks on their faces. Who was he calling at this hour? Then they realized who it had to be. Roger's family had to be told that he was dead. Mark knew the Davis' better then any of them so he probably felt it was his duty to call and tell them the sad news. They could hear muffled words through the door but nothing distinct.

"Hi, is Mrs. Davis there?" Mark asked quietly when the phone was answered with a gruff "hello". He didn't want to be making this phone call. He knew it had to be him though. He was the only one comfortable around Roger's family and he was the only one that they really knew. 

"Hello?" a soft sleepy voice asked into the phone. 

"Hi Mrs. Davis, this is Mark Cohen, Roger's roommate?" Mark said these words carefully. He knew that he had woken up the Davis' but he didn't want to shock them out of sleep to horribly. Better to wake them up a little first.

"Oh hi Mark, how are you? Is anything wrong? What time is it?" She asked this question more of herself then of him, like she didn't understand why her son's roommate would be calling her at anytime of day. But she sounded fully awake now so Mark decided to tell her. He wanted to get this over with.

"Mrs. Davis I have bad news. Roger passed away about an hour ago." He heard the phone drop on the other end of the line and then a scream pierced his ear. 

"Mark, Mark what did you just tell my wife? She won't tell me she's just sitting here screaming…" Mr. Davis was back on the line. Maybe he should have asked to talk to Roger's dad in the first place. He was a little less emotional then Mrs. Davis.

"Mr. Davis Roger died tonight. He passed away about an hour ago here at home. I'm so sorry but he wouldn't let us call you to tell you he was sick. He kept thinking he was going to get better until the very end." 

"Oh my God…Thank you for calling us Mark. I know that this has to be hard for you but I appreciate you calling yourself instead of letting the officials do it. I will try and get my wife back to bed and then I will call the city morgue…that's where his body was sent right? I will be in touch with you in the morning. Please answer the phone when we call." Mr. Davis dropped the phone into it's cradle while Mark sat there stunned looking at the phone. How could he be so calm? Mark had just called and told him that his only son was dead. Mark himself wasn't calm. He had had to stop himself from crying a hundred times during that phone call. But maybe this was where Roger had gotten his repression from…he had to have learned it from somewhere. Mr. Davis had always impressed Mark as a man of little words but someone who could take control when he wanted to. 

Slowly, he got up and exited the bathroom. He put the phone back without looking at anyone and then walked back over to the couch. Mimi was still crying on Collins' chest but she turned back to Mark when he sat down and crept slowly back into his lap. She was so small and frail he couldn't believe it. His arms went around her instinctively and he just sat and held her for the rest of the night while the others began to move around the loft and prepare for the next day. Collins and Benny disappeared into the kitchen and made coffee while Maureen and Joanne started to tidy the place up. It was quite obvious just by looking around that seven people were living in the loft. Well by six people now. Joanne picked up the sheets off the futon and folded them into a neat stack. Maureen brought the blanket that Roger had been wrapped in over to the couch and wrapped it around Mimi's shaking shoulders. Then she joined Collins and Benny in the kitchen area and tried to help them fix something edible. There wasn't much food in the apartment but they managed to scrap together a meager breakfast for everyone. They sat around eating the food listlessly for a while before they realized that the sun had risen outside and it was a new day. The first new day without Roger.

[Cut to the Davis house after the funeral]

"I remember when Roger was a little boy and he would help me around the house. Yes it's true, Roger Davis, who couldn't do laundry to save his soul, helped his mother with the chores. He was such a happy little boy. He loved everything. He would help me cook even." Mrs. Davis reminisced with tears in her eyes. Her baby was gone. She looked around the room and laughed at the looks on his friends' faces. "I know you can't believe it! But he did."

"But Roger hated to cook…"Mark's words trailed off. Roger had always refused to cook so they were always forced to eat whatever Mark could cook up in the kitchen, which unfortunately wasn't much because Mark couldn't cook anything.

"Of course he hated cooking as an adult. It wasn't _manly_ enough for him." Samantha said this with a giggle. "I remember the last time he cooked anything in this house. He was 13 and making dinner for him and me. Well, it ended up being for me and my friends who showed up. God his face turned bright red when they walked in the door…I think he had a crush on Sally or one of them. And there he was standing in the kitchen in an APRON! Cooking for his sister. He was so embarrassed! I never saw him cook again." She said this all while trying to cover her laughter. It had been so funny and he had been so mad after they left. 

His friends from New York grinned at the thought of Roger Davis in an apron. It certainly wasn't something they could picture. 

Mrs. Davis smiled at her middle child and then turned back to Mark. "Tell us some stories like that. Tell us about when he was happy. I don't want to think of him as being sad. I want to remember times when he laughed and smiled."

Maureen turned to towards the group and smiled. "I have one. I remember when I moved into the loft. Roger was not exactly happy about it. He thought I was taking advantage of Mark, don't say anything Mark! I'll deny it!" The others laughed when they realized that her words made Mark snap his mouth shut before he replied to that statement. "Anyway, he didn't like me all that much but he tried because he knew Mark loved me and he wanted Mark to be happy, that's what best friends are for isn't it? Well about a week after I moved in I came home from an audition completely depressed because, once again, I had not gotten a part. He was the only one in the apartment so he felt it was his 'duty' to cheer me up. Actually he probably just wanted me to stop whining now that I think about it." This was greeted by more laughter from her friends. They all knew how whiny Maureen could get. "He sat me down on the couch and disappeared into his room. I didn't know what the hell he was doing but he came out in the weirdest getup I have ever seen. I think it was clothing of Mark's because none of it fit him but it was hysterical and made me laugh so hard that I fell off the couch. He was dressed in these brown corduroy pants and this tight yellow sweater with sleeves that barely made it three quarters of the way down his arms. And he had on Mark's glasses. He came over and sat down next to me and tried to look at me like Mark did with his big eyes…I couldn't believe that Roger Davis was doing this. I was on the floor rolling with laughter. Unfortunately he realized he had cheered me up so he went and changed. I should have made him stay dressed like that until you all came home." By now Roger's friends and family were laughing and crying at the same time. Roger may have been gruff but he also had a heart of gold. He would do anything for his friends. He hated to see them sad or upset. 

"I always wondered why that sweater got so stretched out all of a sudden. It was one of my favorites too…"Mark had said this to himself but everyone heard and it only made them laugh harder. When they finally regained control of themselves they sat in silence for a few minutes. 

Mark got up and said "I'm gonna go check on Mimi…I'll be right back. No, Collins, stay here. I can do this alone."

He walked up the stairs and slowly opened the door to Roger's room. Mimi was curled up in a ball on her side clutching a pillow to her chest. When he walked across the room and softly sat down on the edge of the bed her liquid eyes opened softly. 

"Mark, what happened? Where am I?" She sat up slowly and gasped as she took in the room around her. "Is this his room? Is this where he grew up?" She threw her feet over the edge of the bed and started to walk around the room, softly touching things. It was as if by being here she was closer to him some how. She could feel his presence in the room with her. 

"Mimi, come back to bed. You need to sleep. I didn't mean to wake you up. I was just checking on you."

"Oh come on Mark, we both know I can't sleep. I haven't been able to sleep since he died. Besides I have been asleep for almost an hour. I'm ready to go back down now." She was sitting on the edge of the bed pulling on her boots again. Mark couldn't believe that she had actually worn the leopard print ones, but she said they were his favorite so he didn't object. He remembered the look that Roger used to get on his face when he would see Mimi walking across the room in those boots. He couldn't take his eyes off of her. 

She stood up and glanced at Mark for approval. "Do I look okay?" She asked softly. She had tried so hard to look right for Roger's funeral. She didn't want to disgrace him but she didn't want to wear the plain black dress that Joanne had bought for her. It wasn't her and Roger would have hated it. She dressed for him today, in a knee length black skirt (even though it was longer then anything he had ever seen her in) and a fitted black t-shirt that he had shrunk when she made him do the laundry. He had loved this shirt because, once he shrunk it, it fit like a glove. The only bit of color on her was her boots. They had been his favorite. She had been wearing them that Christmas Eve when they first went out. He loved the way she walked in them. Over her t-shirt she wore a loose gray cardigan sweater that belonged to Mark and over that she wore Roger's leather coat. She couldn't go out without it because it still smelled like him and she didn't want to forget that smell. It was uniquely him. She pulled on the sweater and started towards the door. Mark followed her out into the hallway and she turned around to turn off the light. She took a sweeping glance of the room before sighing and hitting the switch. 

Okay…Review this please! I love reviews! I know you are all thinking…god what Rent did she see that she thinks Roger could act like that? But I can totally seeing Roger being a sweet little kid before he hit puberty and before he got into drugs and before he got HIV+ and turned bitter about life…so flame me if you wish but I want him to have been a sweet little kid.


	5. Junkie

(Author's Note: They don't belong to me…they belong to the late great Jonathan Larson…)

(Author's Note: They don't belong to me…they belong to the late great Jonathan Larson…)

Mark and Mimi walked down the stairs together and entered the living room. She cast a small smile around at her group of friends before turning to Roger's family. 

"I'm sorry about that scene. I don't know what came over me…I'm having a very hard time dealing with Roger's death but I'm trying hard to accept it and move on like he wanted. Thank you so much for inviting us here this afternoon. It's good to see the place where my love grew up and where he was happy." She said these words to Mrs. Davis before turning to Maggie. "I'm sorry that I ran out after looking at you…it's just that you remind me so much of him. You have his eyes and his build and his hair. I didn't see it until I looked directly into your eyes and saw the emotions there that Roger was always trying to hide from the world." She didn't look into Maggie's eyes again but you could tell from her body language that she was sincerely sorry for what had happened.

"Oh honey, it's okay…I know you weren't doing it on purpose to upset me. And it's so good to see that Roger had such a wonderful woman in his life, someone who loved him as much as you obviously did." Maggie got up and came over to hug Mimi who embraced her like a sister. Before they knew what they were doing Samantha and Grace had come over and joined the hug. They all started to cry but it wasn't the out-of-control wailing that Mimi had been doing ever since Roger died. It was a calm, sorrow-filled cry, like they were finally getting over the initial shock of loosing someone that they had loved so much. Mrs. Davis turned to her husband with tears glistening in her eyes. Her baby had been loved (author's note: yes I know I keep making her say this but I'm having a little trouble developing the Mrs. Davis character so cut me some slack…)

After the crying stopped and they had all settled comfortably again, with Mimi on the couch leaning on Mark's shoulder and the sisters back in their chairs, Grace turned to Mark. She knew he was Roger's best friend. In fact it was through Mark that she had managed to stay informed about Roger when he moved into the city. But she had some questions…

"Mark, you knew him better then any of us did…what happened a few years ago when we lost contact with him completely? He didn't call, well he never called, but he didn't even send postcards for almost a whole year. Everything we sent to him was returned unopened. It was shortly after he met April. In fact I think that that was the last postcard we got…how he had met this wonderful girl and was so happy. And then a year later we got a phone call from you saying that April had died and Roger was sick. We didn't even find out it was AIDS until later."

The Davis family watched in amazement as this sorrowful group of people sitting with them suddenly pulled together and got very closed looks on their faces. What were they hiding? Mark jumped at the sound of his name and then blanched when he heard the question. He exchanged a look of uncertainty with Benny, Maureen and Collins.

Finally Benny spoke up. "Grace, you don't want to hear about that part of Roger's life. He wouldn't want you to hear about it. It wasn't pretty and I don't think Mark will tell you about it because it was extremely painful for him as well. Hell, it was painful for all of us…" His words trailed off as he watched Mark's face grow a little paler.

"No, Benny, it's time that it got out in the open. I'm sick of never talking about it." Mark's demeanor took on a stronger countenance as he turned to face Roger's family. They deserved to know.

"Shortly after Roger met April they both began using. Heroin is a highly addictive narcotic and Roger fell hook, line and sinker for it. The lack of contact that he had with you during that year was because he lost contact with everyone who cared about him. Collins had moved to Boston, Benny had gotten married and I got so sick of watching him and April shoot up and lay around the loft all day that I moved in with Maureen. I couldn't watch my best friend do that to himself. I tried to make him stop but he wouldn't listen to reason and I couldn't physically make him stop…the boy was probably a head taller then me and much more muscular. So I would go over every day and check up on them, make sure they were both still alive, bring them food. I did this for about six months and then April killed herself. I came into the loft to find Roger slumped over her body, screaming at the top of his lungs, covered in blood. She had slit her wrists and he had found her in the bathroom when he came home from getting their next fix. He was inconsolable. I didn't find the note until later. It had three words on it. "We've got AIDS" I called Benny, which I knew Roger didn't want me to do, but I knew I couldn't get him out of the loft alone. Collins came home for a weekend and the three of us managed to wrestle Roger to a rehab center. It took a month to get him clean. And when we finally did get him home he had been diagnosed HIV+. That's when I wrote you. I knew he hadn't kept in contact while he was using. I know that really isn't the amount of detail you probably want but I can't tell you anymore. It's too painful, even this far in the future, to go back and rehash that year."

Mark sat on the couch looking at the floor. He hadn't wanted to tell Roger's family about his weakness and drug use, but they deserved to know the truth. He could feel his friends gather closer around him to support him while he told the story and was glad they were there. It was an experience that they shared. Even for Mimi and Joanne, who hadn't been there when they pulled Roger out of his junkie days, the story was important. It showed how their family pulled together to protect it's own. They had done the same thing for Mimi when she decided it was time to clean up. They had checked her into rehab and they been there through the entire thing. But that part of their lives was over now. They were clean, mostly healthy and with the exception of Roger's death they had been happy. 

Sorry for the short chapter but I'm beginning to succumb to writer's block…it took way too long to write this chapter…Please Review!


	6. What Mark's Layers Covered...

(Author's Note: They aren't mine…They never will be mine…I just like to screw with their lives)

(Author's Note: They aren't mine…They never will be mine…I just like to screw with their lives…oh yeah and I don't really know what happens to a person's mind when they go into withdrawal so I'm taking artistic liberties with it and including some memory loss as one of the side effects.)

Mrs. Davis blanched at this horrific tale of their son's drug life. She had always suspected that something like this would happen if they let him move into the city like he wanted to. He had never been able to resist temptation. She didn't want to hear anymore.

  
"I think that I will go and get some food together for us" Mrs. Davis stood up abruptly and left the room. Mr. Davis looked apologetically at the group before joining her in the kitchen, out of earshot of the living room. 

Mark looked at the Davis sisters and sighed to himself before saying "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset her. I was just telling the truth."

Samantha, Grace and Maggie exchanged a quick look before Samantha spoke up. "It isn't you Mark. Mom could never handle Roger's problems. He was heavily into drinking when he was in high school. He used to come home from every party so smashed that it took all three of us to get him upstairs without waking the dead. We understand what you went through. And…" She glanced at Mark with a sympathizing look. "We know what you aren't telling us. He was violent when he was using. He never laid a hand on any of us but I remember watching him punch out his best friend's front teeth once when he had had too much to drink. How often did you take the brunt of his anger?"

She didn't know how much her words had meant to Mark. But they struck him to the bone. Mimi could feel him tense beneath her cheek when Samantha mentioned the best friend Roger had punched. But what was she talking about? Roger never got violent. Then she noticed the confused looks that were being directed at Mark from Collins, Benny and Maureen. They didn't understand either…and Mark was beginning to look very very uncomfortable…

"Mark? What is she talking about? Roger never got so bad that he attacked anyone. We'd have known…" Collins stated these questions directly at Mark. He wanted answers. Mark had never said anything about Roger being abusive. 

But instead of the denial that everyone was expecting, Mark suddenly got angry. How could they judge his decision? They had no right to! They hadn't been there! They hadn't dealt with Roger at his absolute worst! He looked up at Collins with a flushed face. "How would any of you know? Benny was married and trying so hard to make that work. You were in Boston. I was living with Maureen but she was spending so much time with her 'friend' Joanne that I rarely saw her and she rarely saw me. None of you saw my body on the nights I would come home from the loft late. It was covered in bruises. He was always careful to not hit my face. It was like he knew that would give him away and his most useful punching bag, me, would no longer be available to him. I was glad to be his punching bag too. I thought I was protecting April. I think that was the only reason I continued to go back when he started to hit…I thought that if I wasn't there for him to pound then he would start in on sweet April and I couldn't bear to see her get hurt…" his words trailed off as his friends stared at him in silence. They couldn't believe that he had kept this from them for so long. What else was he hiding? They could see that there was more he wasn't telling them.

  
"What else Mark? What else did he put you through?" Benny asked this in a tired voice. He had always suspected something like this. Roger had too big of a temper to not let it take control once in a while. 

"Nothing else happened." He said this too quickly. Benny knew he was hiding something.

"What Mark? You're a horrible liar so you might as well spill it…I'll make you tell me eventually."

Mark's voice got dangerously quiet. None of his friends had ever heard him so serious before. "What do you want to hear Benny? Do you want to hear about the three days that I dealt with Roger alone between April's death and when you and Collins came to get him into rehab? Do you want to hear how he used to tackle me and pound on my back until it was so covered in bruises that I couldn't sleep on it for a week? Remember right after April died and before we got him into a rehab? Didn't any of you find it strange that I didn't call for you until three days later? She died on a Thursday and Collins didn't come until Sunday and neither did you Benny. I spent all those days keeping him in the loft. Not something that was easily done mind you. He was bigger and stronger. And if he hadn't been so upset by her death I never would have been able to contain him. He pounded everything he could get his hands on. The walls, the table, the doors, the mirror in the bathroom, me…sometimes the only way to keep him from flooring me and going out to get a fix was to scream at him 'think of April, Roger! Think of what heroin did to her!' and then he would turn and go running into his room. And I would have a moment of peace. But he wouldn't leave. He would disappear into his room and scream with rage and misery."

"I'm remembering some of this now…" Maureen's voice rose from the back of the couch where she was perched behind Mark's shoulders. "Was that why you wouldn't let me in when I came to see you after the funeral? Was it because you didn't want me to see what he had done to you and the loft?" She asked this with fury in her voice. She had been so mad at him that day. Neither he nor Roger had come to the funeral. She had had to stand there alone while April's family judged her. They saw only her as the representation of the city that had corrupted and eventually killed their daughter. She had gone back to the loft in a raging temper, ready to scream at Mark for putting her through that. But when she started to unlock the door she had found it blocked. And then she realized from the sound of breathing on the other side of the wall that it was being blocked by a body…obviously Mark's because if it had been Roger she wouldn't have been able to move the door at all. So she started to scream at him through the door. He had screamed right back, the first time he ever raised his voice at her, and refused to let her in. She could hear the desperation in his voice, begging her to leave. After finally being convinced that he wasn't going to let her in she had left. She had eventually forgiven him but if she had known that it was because he didn't want her to see what Roger had done to him, she never would have left. She would have gotten him out of there. 

Mark looked up at Maureen and their eyes met. His filled with tears. "How could I let you in? If I had let you in he would have started on you…he was too much bigger then me…I couldn't have protected you. By that time he was crazy. He was mad with grief at loosing April and going through withdrawal so badly that he was in pain. If I had let you in he would have just seen another person to vent his frustration on…" He had tears running down his face now. Couldn't she see? He hadn't let her in because he had been scared to death of what would happen to her if he did. He already thought that he was going to lose one friend, he didn't want to see another get hurt. He wouldn't have been able to stand it if he had had to watch Roger pound Maureen. 

Benny and Collins just sat there in shock. How could they not have noticed? Mark had called them each and said "April's dead. You have to come help me get Roger into rehab." And they had. Collins had taken the train down that night and by noon the next day he and Benny had wrestled Roger out of the loft, into a taxi and into a rehab center. It had taken both of them because Roger didn't want to go and his adrenaline was running on high. Now both Benny and Collins were big guys but Roger had made the trip miserable, struggling and kicking in private and when they got onto the street he had gone limp in their arms, like dead weight and they had to drag him into the taxi. Mark had followed with the suitcase of clothing that Roger would need. But thinking back on it Collins remembered something else. Mark had kept a good distance from Roger when they were wrestling him out of the loft. In fact from the moment that he and Benny had arrived at the loft, Mark had been dressed in a coat and baggy pants and ready to walk out the door. He hadn't touched Roger until he came out of rehab. In fact he had flinched when Roger walked out the doors and hugged them all. Like he couldn't bear the thought of his touch.

"How did we not see this? The signs were there. I remember you wearing long sleeves for a week after Roger was checked in…and you wore long pants too, even though it was only September. And god the way you flinched when he hugged you after he got out…were we really that blind?" Collins said this looking from the floor to Mark and then back at the floor. He couldn't believe he was really that blind.

"I'm surprised any of you noticed at all. Once I got over the initial bruises I dealt with the pain and I thought I covered it pretty well. But you should have seen my body. My stomach and legs were a mass of bruises from where he'd hit me. I know, you're all thinking, why the legs. Once in a while I got in a good punch and he would fall…yeah that's right I fought back with every ounce of strength I had which unfortunately wasn't much…but he'd fall and grab my legs and just start pummeling them. Like he just needed something to pound on all the time. And my back…god I don't even want to think about what my back looked like." Mark's eyes had a far away look in them. He was remembering a time he had sworn to never revisit. He didn't want to think about this time in his life. It had been the lowest. 

"How could you forgive him Mark?" Grace asked these words softly. It didn't make sense. What made Roger so lucky that he didn't loose Mark's friendship?

"Right after he came out of rehab he moved back into the loft. I stayed with Maureen for a few more days because I definitely didn't want to be living with him…but he caught me one day at the loft when it was just the two of us…"

[The loft…three days after Roger left rehab]

"Um…Mark? Can we talk?" Roger's voice sounded hesitant as it asked this question.

Mark froze at the sound of Roger's voice behind him in the empty loft. "Oh shit," he thought, "where did everyone go? I'm here alone which I told myself not to do! Good move Cohen! Give him an opportunity to catch you alone! Smart!"

"Sure Roge, what about?" Mark asked this as nonchalantly as he could be he couldn't look up and meet his best friend's eyes. He couldn't look into the face of the man who he loved like a brother but hated for what he had done to him. He also couldn't stop his fingers from playing with the zipper on his coat. Why couldn't he stop? Suddenly he felt a hand clasp his shoulder right at the base of a bruise that was still healing. It had been one of the worst and even now, a month later, it was still slightly yellow and sore. He flinched hard and twisted to get Roger's hands off him.

"God Mark, what did I do to you? Why do you flinch whenever I touch you or look at you? All I remember is you coming in and finding me with April…but what happened after that? Did I do something?" The hurt in Roger's eyes was unmistakable. He didn't understand why his best friend in the whole world was acting like this. What could he have possibly done to merit this kind of rejection?

"Do you remember anything between when she died and when you went into rehab? Do you remember the way you treated me for the three days I kept you locked in the loft to stop you from getting a fix? Don't you remember it at all?" Mark's voice was getting higher and higher as he went through this tirade. He started to walk towards Roger and Roger backed away, intimidated by the level of fury in his friend's eyes. 

"How can he not remember? How can he not remember the way I yelled in agony when he hit me?" This thought was running through Mark's head over and over again as he backed Roger towards a wall. Then he stopped. It wasn't worth it. If Roger didn't remember then what was their friendship worth?

"You were a mean son of a bitch Roger! You beat me into a pulp for three straight days! I still have bruises…look, do you see it? Do you see your handy work? Are you proud of it?" Mark had wrenched his t-shirt over his head and turned to give Roger a better look at his back, which was still mottled with yellowing bruises that Roger had put there. He was so angry. He had been through Hell because of Roger and he didn't even remember!

"Oh my god Mark! I'm so sorry! I'm so incredibly sorry! How can you even look at me? How can you bear to be in the same room with me? I swear to God I don't remember what I did to you but I am so sorry. I'll never touch you again!" He was kneeling on the floor, weeping now. His shoulders shaking with grief. He had beaten his best friend! He had taken all of his frustration and anger out on the one person who had never abandoned him. 

Mark turned and saw this weeping wreck of a man behind him and slowly pulled his t-shirt back down. Nothing made Roger Davis cry. Nothing except death of course. But he didn't cry over anything else. Maybe he really was sorry. Maybe he really didn't remember. 

"Ya know what Roge? I know you're sorry. I can see that but it's gonna take time for me to forgive you. I can't just turn around and say 'oh all is forgiven, we're best friends again.' It doesn't work like that. I just need you to give me some space."

[Cut back to present day at the Davis house]

"And he did. He gave me time and he gave me space. He didn't touch me for four months. I lived with Maureen for another month before I was ready to move back into the loft. I forgave him and we became friends again. And we were closer. Something clicked the day he apologized. I don't know if it was the sound of his voice or the look on his face, but I could tell he was really sorry and I could tell that his biggest issue was that _he_ had done this to his best friend. And the fact that he had done it made it worse in his eyes because he couldn't go out and pound the sorry son of a bitch who had beaten me up. He would have if he could have. One thing I always respected about Roger was that, if he was your friend, you knew that if you needed him he would be there. He was loyal. He would have laid down his life for any of us."

Roger's sisters had been sitting, watching the drama unfold before their eyes. Samantha had known by Mark's tone of voice that Roger had vented his anger on him but she hadn't imagined it would go that far. Grace and Maggie knew what Roger was capable of; they had seen him come home from parties so drunk that all three of them had to carry him up to bed. They could all see that Mark's friends had not seen this side of their brother though. They were all sitting there in shock.

Finally Maureen got up and came around the couch. She grabbed Mark's hand and pulled him up into a standing position before she grabbed him in a hug. She had tears running down her face and she couldn't talk but the hug was so tight. It was like she wanted to protect her little Marky from the world. She soon realized that she was not the only one hugging Mark. Mimi had gotten up and was embracing him too; in fact their whole family had gotten up. And Mark had become the epicenter of a gigantic group hug. They just stood there for a few minutes before Mark started to cough.

"Air…guys…can't breathe" Mark's choked words issued from the center of the knot of people. They all let go and stepped back to give him some room. He coughed for a minute and then looked around at this incredible group of people that were surrounding him. He smiled. He was so lucky to have them. 

Yeah yeah I know…you're all going "Roger can't do that! Roger wouldn't do that!" well I say he did so there!! Please read and review…flame me if you must but please review…I like reviews!!


	7. What Mark wouldn't remember

(Author's Note: yeah I still don't own them…in fact I never will own them…so just read and enjoy the way I screw with their lives

(Author's Note: yeah I still don't own them…in fact I never will own them…so just read and enjoy the way I screw with their lives! Also I don't know what actually happens during a panic attack so I'm making it up! Don't be mad!)

"Mark? Are you okay?" Samantha was looking at the grin on Mark's face and not understanding. She had been able to tell that he was the one who had suffered the brunt of Roger's anger but she had never imagined that it would be as bad as it was. God Roger had abused Mark more then he had abused anyone. She didn't understand how Mark could have lived through that and still remained such a loyal friend. She had heard what he said about loyalty but it still didn't make much sense…why would he ever trust Roger again?

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine. Ya know what though? I need a break. I need to take a walk…why don't you all stay here and continue to reminisce about Roger…you don't need my help in that. I can add things to stories when I come back." And with that he got up and left the house. He just needed some fresh air. The house was getting too stuffy. As he walked he thought back on what he had just told his friends. He had vowed to himself that he would never tell what happened during those three days. He had never wanted to revisit that horribly painful time in his life. But seeing Roger every day had not made it possible to block the memories…not the way he did with the other memories…

[Back in the house]

Maureen's eyes followed Mark out the door and she thought briefly about following him. She knew what he was going to brood about on his walk. She was the only one who knew in fact. Except maybe for Roger because Mark had told Roger everything. But Roger wasn't here anymore so she was assuming that she was the only one who knew about Mark's dad. 

"Honey? Is everything okay? You look kind of distant." Joanne's breath tickled Maureen's ear as she whispered this question. The others were sitting around, still absorbing what Mark had just told them. It was not an easy thing to hear that a friend had beaten his best friend to a bruised pulp and they were all having a difficult time accepting it. 

"No, no I'm fine, just thinking that's all." Maureen tried to smile brightly at her lover but she saw Joanne read her face and knew that she knew she wasn't fine. "I'm just thinking about Mark and all he's been through."

"How did he forgive him?" Maggie asked this question in an amazed voice. "Roger nearly beats Mark within an inch of his life and Mark forgives him without a problem…it doesn't make sense."

"You have to understand Mark and understand his history to understand the reasons he had for forgiving Roger." The words were out of Maureen's mouth before she could stop them and she knew from the looks on her friend's faces that she had put her foot in her mouth again. They wanted an explanation for that comment.

"What do you mean Maureen? Mark's history isn't that bad. He grew up in a middle class family, went to Brown, came to New York and has been there ever since. There's nothing horrifically unusual about that. It's fairly normal in fact. And nothing in that history would make him more willing to forgive Roger." Benny was watching Maureen's face like a hawk. If you knew her well enough her face read like a book and he was watching for the tell tale signs that she was lying, the little crinkle at the corner of her mouth, the way her eyes fell when she wasn't telling the truth. And there was the crinkle. "Don't lie to me Maureen. I want to know the truth. What do you mean his history makes it understandable?"

"It's not my place to tell you. If Mark wanted you to know he would tell you himself." She said these words with a surprising amount of venom. She wasn't going to betray Mark's trust like that. She wasn't going to tell them.

Benny got up and crossed the room until he was standing right in front of her. "Well you brought it up and since he's not here to defend himself you are going to have to do it. We want to know and we want to know now. God, I'm sick of all these secrets. I don't think I can stand to learn anything more about you all that I didn't know before because I thought we were friends. I thought we told each other everything. I might have been on the black list there for a while but at least you all kept me informed. Now tell me what you are talking about!" Benny was beginning to raise his voice now. He didn't care that they were in someone else's home. He wanted to know the truth and he wanted to know it now.

"He was abused, okay? His father beat him to a bloody pulp regularly. He was a drunk. Mark spent so much time in the hospital when he was a kid that the emergency room staff could predict when he would be in the next time. Did you want to know that Benny? Did you want to know that Mark, the most generous and loving member of our family, was beaten by his own father? It's not that he doesn't trust you enough to tell you. It's that he doesn't want to think about it. He's repressed the memories so much that he wouldn't even remember if you asked him about it. He'd probably ask you what you were talking about. The only reason I know and the only reason Roger knew is because he talks in his sleep and when he dreams about it he tends to shout in his sleep. He's never even told me about it. I asked his mother. The only person that he's ever, ever been able to talk about it with was Roger and that's only because Roger confronted him about it when Mark had a panic attack after hearing the noisy neighbor beating his wife and kids. That was before I moved in and before Roger's drugs and before April died. Maybe that's why Roger was so heartbroken by what he did to Mark; because he knew he had put his best friend through the worst imaginable torture. The only reason I know about it because he used to wake me up at night, tossing and turning. So I confronted his mother and she told me about. Roger and I talked about it once. It's a good thing that Roger never met Mr. Cohen because Mr. Cohen wouldn't have walked away from that meeting alive. I've never heard so much hate in Roger's voice as when he was talking about Mark's dad. And don't you dare talk to him about it. He doesn't need that. He hasn't woken up screaming in years. Don't you dare bring those memories back to the surface." Maureen was sitting on the couch sobbing now. Her speech had started quietly but the more she talked about it the more upset she got until she sank down onto the couch next to Mimi. Those last few sentences came out with a sob behind them. Mark shouldn't have had to go through that. He was too sweet and too kind to everyone to have ever had to live through that. 

Roger's sisters and their husbands sat back and watched this family drama unfold before them. They were learning more about Roger's life then they could have imagined. By watching his friends interact they could see why Roger had loved them so much. They could see how much Roger had been a part of this family. It was obvious how much he had changed in the years between when he left home and when he died. And they could see the whole that was left in the family by his death. It was like something elemental was missing. It was also obvious how important he had been to this family. By watching them interact you could see the family dynamic. And they could imagine their baby brother in the middle of this group of people; he would have been protecting Mark's privacy or supporting Maureen as she told the others what Mark had been through or, more realistically actually, probably beating Benny up for asking what had happened to Mark. He would have protected Mark's secret because Mark was his best friend and Roger was one of the most loyal people any of them knew. He had always been wonderful with all of them. He took Maggie to her senior prom because her date broke his leg and was in the hospital. He came home for each of their weddings and put up with the inquisitive relatives who wanted to know what he was doing with his life. He had really been special. With the exception of his incredible temper he had been as gentle as a lamb except when he was protecting his family. 

[Out on the street]

No he wouldn't think of those memories. They would not come up and torture him on this day. He was too vulnerable to relive those memories as well as the memories of Roger's brutality. But he could feel the gates of his mind opening up. The cobwebs were being swept away by a brutal hand. And he could see that hand coming right towards him, reaching for his collar, ready to throw him to the ground and hit him again…no, not again, please not again…

Mark sunk down to his knees in the grass of the Davis yard. He grabbed his head as the memories came swimming back to him. The memory of his father hitting him again and again, wringing his neck until he passed out, the memory of his mother hiding in the corner because that was where Dad had thrown her before he started in on Mark…he couldn't take it anymore.

[In the house]

The friends sat in silence while they absorbed it all. Then they heard it. An anguished wail came from outside the house. They all looked up and were shocked by the sight of Mark, kneeling in the yard, holding his head and sobbing. Mimi heard the wail and stood up. "Oh shit, he's panicking." And with that she dashed out the door. The others began to follow but Collins stopped them with a sharp command. 

"No, stay here. Let her do this. If he's panicking lots of people will only make it worse. He won't be able to handle all of us. They've grown so close recently…she might be the only one who can calm him down anyway."

[In the yard]

Mark was crouched in a protective ball, hugging his knees and sobbing. His eyes were wide open but he wasn't seeing the yard. He was seeing his kitchen floor as his dad held him down and beat his back. Then he felt a soft pair of hands grasping his shoulders. He jerked away from them but they didn't let go. Hands holding his shoulders only meant that more beating was coming. It just meant that he was going to be held down and beaten.

"Mark…Mark…honey can you hear me? Mark, look at me. Look in my eyes…focus. Come on sweetie. Focus on me. You gotta help me here Mark. Come on honey look at me. Concentrate on me." She didn't let go of his shoulders. She was hunkered down in front of him looking at him directly in the eyes but she knew that he wasn't seeing them. He was focusing on something else entirely. Something far worse then her. 

Someone was calling his name. Someone with a voice that didn't evoke the fear of God in him. He tried to focus on that voice. It sounded so familiar. Where had he heard it before? But no, he was being pulled back. He could feel his dad's hands on his shoulders and feel his hot breath that reeked of liquor on his face while he screamed at him for being such a worthless son. He shuddered and started to struggle against the hands that held him in place.

  
"Come on Mark. Listen to me. Hear my voice. Come on hon. You have to come back to me. We love you. Remember you promised Roger you'd take care of me. Come on honey…focus. Listen to my voice." She had seen a flicker of recognition in Mark's eyes for a minute there. She had seen him recognize her but then he fell back into the depths of his mind.

God that voice was so beautiful and so peaceful. He tried to concentrate on that voice. He tried to block out the sound of angry cursing and focus on the sweet voice that was calling his name. The angry face of his father was changing. It was becoming softer and smaller and he could recognize the eyes that were looking right at him. He recognized the hair that sprang out of control in every direction. Mimi. Mimi was talking to him. What was she saying?

"Mark? Mark? Do you see me? Are you listening? We love you. Come on sweetie. Focus on me. You have to come back. You promised Roger you'd stay with me. Come on hon…" her pleading voice broke through the fog that was clouding his brain and he broke out of the panic attack and fell against her sobbing. She fell back on to her backside with an 'oomph' but she didn't push him away. She just held him and stroked his hair while he sobbed. Thank God. He would be okay. The panic attack was over. He'd be okay. She wondered when the last time was that he had an attack like this. She wondered who had held him that time. 

Mark sobbed into her chest and thought of the last time that he had thought of his dad and his childhood. It had been years ago. Before he met Maureen. Before Roger had started shooting up and before April had died. He had just moved into the loft and was sitting there working on a screenplay by himself one afternoon when he heard the neighbor start yelling at his wife. He should have just ignored it but he couldn't. Especially not when he heard the first plate break against the wall. The sound of dishes breaking had the effect of a wrecking ball on the fragile wall he had built up around those memories. The next thing he knew he was kneeling on the floor of the loft and Roger was holding him and trying to stop him from crying. That was when he told Roger about his dad. Roger wouldn't leave it alone until he had the whole truth and after that he had been careful to never mention his father in front of him because Roger's face would darken and he would have to stop him from going off on what a dirt bag he was. 

Roger had been wonderful that day. He had skipped practice with the band and stayed home to make sure Mark was okay. They had talked about Mark's dad and Roger had gotten so upset that the thought of his reaction could still bring a smile to Mark's face. He had to hide his phone book or Roger would have called his dad up and told him off. It was the beginning of what would become an incredible friendship. But now Roger was gone. All Mark had left was his wonderful family of friends. Like Mimi, the incredibly kind girl who was holding him right now. Oh shit, he was still clinging to her and sobbing like a baby…

"Sorry" He said with a choked voice as he sat back and separated himself from her. They stood up and Mimi pulled him into a hug.   


"Mark, I don't care what he did to you. You are perfect just the way you are and you didn't deserve to have a childhood like that." Mimi grabbed him up in her arms and wouldn't let him go. They stood there, hugging in the Davis front yard for a few minutes before Mark pulled away and smiled at her. 

"Thank you. I don't know what got into me. I haven't lost it like that in years. Not since I first moved to New York. I'm sorry. Oh no…where is everyone? Have I caused a scene?" He looked around them cautiously, half expecting the entire neighborhood to be standing around them. When he noticed they were alone he breathed a sigh of relief. Then he looked at the house…and saw the four faces that were plastered to the glass. He laughed and his face turned bright red as he waved sheepishly at the concerned looks on their faces. 

"Oh no…I've done it now. I've caused a scene at Roger's funeral. How long was I out here? How much did Maureen blab to you all?" He asked the first question with a voice of guilt and the second with resigned air. He knew Maureen wouldn't be able to keep her trap shut. He knew that she had been the only one who knew about his dad now that Roger was gone. 

"She didn't want to tell us Mark. Benny had to threaten it out of her."

"All right. Let's go in and face the music then. I'd rather answer all of your questions at once."

With that Mark turned and walked up the steps and through the door of the house with Mimi. They entered the living room and he walked over to Maureen and gave her a hug.

"I know you told them. It's okay. I'm not mad."

"But…how?…how did you know I knew? I never talked to you about it?" 

"Yeah but Maureen you talked to Roger. He told me that you had talked to him. It's okay. I'd be stupid if I thought you didn't know, what with the way I talk in my sleep…and scream in my sleep…and sing in my sleep…hell I make all sorts of noise in my sleep." The sheepish look on Mark's face when he said this last bit made all his friends laugh. It was true. They had all heard Mark talking, and singing and shouting in his sleep. It wasn't a strange occurrence. Well it was strange to hear him sing but he only did that when he was sick. He just was not a quiet sleeper. 

Before they could start pelting him with questions he asked them to sit down. He noticed while doing this that Roger's sisters had magically disappeared from the room with their husbands. This of course only made him feel guiltier. This day was supposed to be about Roger, not him. Well, the sooner he got this over with the sooner they could go back to remembering Roger. 

"Please, don't be upset that I didn't tell you about my childhood. I don't remember most of it myself. I've repressed the memories so that I don't have to think about. Yes, Collins, I know that's not healthy. But I've been doing it for almost a decade and I can't afford therapy so it will just have to continue to work. I haven't had a panic attack since I moved to New York. This was a fluke. And I don't want to talk about it anymore. This is not my day to be pitied. It's our day to remember our friend. I don't want to take away from that. So please, for Roger, can we just forget about this for now? I promise I will talk about it when we get home. And then you can pelt me with all the questions I see you have for me." And with that he went out of the room and found the kitchen where the Davis family was gathered.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to take away from this memory fest we seem to be having. Can we please continue?"

Mrs. Davis began to shew her children and husband back into the living room but she held Mark back for a second. When the kitchen was empty except for the two of them she turned and pulled Mark into a hug that was so motherly and warm that it made him remember the way his mom used to hug him after they had left the emergency room for the umpteenth time. It was full of sorrow and warmth and was so comforting that he just sank into it. They stood there for a long time before Mark pulled back and smiled at Mrs. Davis. "Thank you, you don't know how long it's been since I've been hugged by a mom. I must have really needed that because I feel much better now." 

"I figured as much, dear. If you ever need to talk I want you to call me. You were my son's best friend and as I'm sure my daughters will tell you, I tend to adopt my children's friends. You will always be welcome here. As will all of your friends. Now come on. Lets go back and see what they are up to in there. Samantha, Grace and Maggie are probably regaling your friends with some embarrassing story of Roger as a little boy. You don't want to miss that."

And with that they walked back into the living room together.

Okay, yeah I know…it's getting violent and sappy and stupid…I'm almost done though! I promise…One more chapter…maybe two…please review…I really like reviews…they help me write.


	8. Funny stories about Roger...and Marky

Author's Note: They aren't mine

Author's Note: They aren't mine. I just like to screw with their lives…

Mark and Mrs. Cohen reentered the living room and joined the family, who were in the middle of telling Roger's friends about the time the girls dressed Roger up in their Sunday clothes.

"…And then we dressed him up in our Sunday dresses…::giggle:: oh god, Maggie you finish…::giggle:: I can't tell the rest." Grace was giggling so hard at the story she was telling that she had tears running down her cheeks. The entire room was laughing. Roger Davis had been his sisters' doll for so many years…

"Okay," Maggie wiped a tear from her eye as she continued with the story. "We dressed him up in Samantha's dress and we put him in my patent leather Mary Jane's, and he word Grace's Easter hat. Oh my god. It was so funny. He never lived it down. When he was being particularly annoying as a teenager all we had to do was start a conversation with, 'Ya know, we haven't looked at the baby pictures in a while, how about the year Roger was 6, yeah Mom can you dig out that photo album?' and he would shut up. It was the best blackmail any of us ever had on him. But he was so cute as our littlest sister. And he filled out that outfit so well. And the green eye shadow we ::giggle:: put on him matched his ::giggle:: big blue eyes ::giggle:: so well." Now Maggie was laughing to hard to continue but that was okay because when she got to the make up part, his friends from New York burst into uproarious laughter and turned to Mimi who was laughing so hard that she had slid from the couch to the floor. 

"Why are you all looking at Mimi like that? What happened? Why is she blushing and laughing so hard?" Mrs. Cohen took one look at Mimi and knew that there was a story behind the laughter. What had her son done that had been so funny to these kids?

"Oh Mrs. Cohen, if only you knew how your son relived that story. In case you didn't know I am an exotic dancer by profession at the moment. Well I have quite a few, shall we say, interesting and colorful costumes. These costumes require quite a bit of colorful make up that I keep lying around the apartment. Roger found the make up one day and…oh Marky you tell, you found him after all…" and with that Mimi lost the control she had had and busted out into laughter again at her memory.

Mark thought for a minute. He had to remember the exact story that they were talking about. Oh yes…he remembered. "I came home from filming one afternoon and found Roger asleep on the couch. He looked funny though, and I couldn't figure out why. He had a beer on the floor next to him and judging by the number of bottles on the table I assumed he had just gotten home too early from band practice, gotten bored since none of us were home and got drunk and passed out. Well that's not all he did. I got a little closer to the couch and noticed that he had quite a bit more color to his face then normal. He had put on Mimi's makeup. And not just the light colors…nooooo…::snicker:: he had put on the sparkly green eye shadow and the bright red cheek stuff…Oh my god it was hysterical. I couldn't resist even though I knew he would kill me if he ever found out that I had recorded that little bit of time but I didn't care. I set up the camera and just filmed him sleeping for a good 5 minutes. Then I shut it off and hid the film. Over the course of the next year I showed it to all of our friends. Usually when they were sad cuz it was such a fun thing to watch and it always got them laughing. I was gonna give it to him for Christmas this year but we did other stuff instead of exchanging presents. He would have died with embarrassment. He was humiliated when he woke up to me laughing at him…I couldn't resist…he ran into the bathroom and washed it off but I didn't stop laughing for a good 10 minutes. He was so mad. He sulked in his room for an hour until I finally apologized and he came out."

Mark collapsed onto the floor next to Mimi and picked up one of her hands. She was still laughing hysterically but she squeezed it back when he picked it up. God it was good to see her laugh again. It had been so long. He didn't think that he had seen her laugh since that fateful Christmas Eve…

"Hey Mark, come on buddy, you have to have more stories. I know you two did stupid things together. Fill us in on the silly side of dark, mysterious Roger Davis." Benny watched Mark's face light up at the prospect of telling silly stories about Roger. "Oh great," Benny thought, "there's a good one there. I can see it in his eyes."

"Oh no Benny, it's your turn. I told my story of the afternoon. Plus the stories I could tell, well, lets just say that if I told them Roger would come back from the dead and tell stories he knew about me…come on though, I know you had some interesting escapades with him before Alison and April entered the picture."

Benny thought for a minute. His stories about Roger weren't particularly funny but he thought he could think of something. Hmmm…when was the last time that he and Roger had done anything together. Oh wait. He had one. 

"Okay I have one. It was actually hysterical but I need Mimi's permission to tell it first. Do you mind if I tell about the time I brought him to the Cat Scratch Club…back when we were dating?" Benny addressed this question to Mimi without looking at Mark. There was a reason he was not asking Mark. But he hoped that Mark wouldn't remember until it was too late.

"Sure…I don't care" Mimi looked confused. What had been funny about that day? She couldn't think of anything outstandingly funny…

"Okay so this happened, what? About two, two and a half years ago I think. I was dating this incredibly beautiful dancer from a club in the village." He patted Mimi's head as she swatted at his leg and blushed. "And I wanted to show her off to my two best friends. So I took Mark and Roger with me to the club where she danced." Benny snuck a look at Mark and was happy to only see the beginning of recognition in his eyes. Maybe he would get away with telling the whole thing after all. 

"So we walk into the club and take a seat at the stage and wait for Mimi to come out." And that was as far as he got because all of a sudden Mark was on his feet and had jumped over Mimi to cover Benny's mouth with his hands. **Damn** thought Benny **I thought I was gonna get away with it** but he couldn't keep the laughter out of his voice or his eyes and Mark's laughter wasn't helping.

  
"Oh no Benny, you were supposed to tell a story about Roger's idiocy and embarrassment. Not about mine. I forbid you to finish this story. Trust me everyone you don't want to hear this. It's too pathetic." But Mark's plee was shouted out by the rest of the group. Now they wanted to hear the story, even if it was just because Mark was so embarrassed by it. 

Mimi started to giggle uncontrollably. "Oh wait," she stuttered, "I think I remember this, was this the first time you ever brought them to the club Benny? The time with the Crystal inscident?" Mimi was beside her self. She leaned onto Collins legs and burried her head into the side of his calf. She still couldn't look at Mark with a straight face when this story got told. 

"You remember? And how is darling, evil Crystal doing these days Mimi? Is she well?" Benny threw those questions out just to make Mimi laugh harder. He had fought off Mark's hand and Maureen was dragging Mark back to sit on the floor beside Mimi who couldn't even look at him. He knew very well that Crystal no longer worked at the Cat Scratch Club and that Mimi hated the girl with a passion for the way she had treated Mark. But it was still fun to ask.

"Very well, on with the story," Benny started with a twinkle in his eye as he looked around the room at Roger's family who were watching the playfulness of these kids with obvious enjoyment. "We sit down at the stage and this incredibly beautiful blonde comes out and starts to dance. She was dancing right in front of Roger, who really wasn't too interested, she wasn't his type after all. He was sitting on one side of me, trying to have a conversation while on the other side of me was Mark. Sweet Mark who couldn't take his eyes off this woman. He's always had a weakness for blondes…" Benny trailed off while throwing a look at Maureen who was in the process of twisting her blonde curls into a ponytail. She stuck her tongue out at him, which evoked a laugh from the group and let him continue with the story. "Anyways, Roger is trying to look every where but at the woman in front of him and Mark is salivating on my other side until finally he does the desperation thing. He reached into his wallet and pulled out a dollar. He held it up…and she **ignored** it…she just kept dancing in front of Roger. Finally Roger notices what Mark is up to and he gets this evil little smile on his face…you all know the smile I'm talking about…and turns to the girl. 'honey' he says, 'my friend there is desperate so could you please go entertain him for a bit…I'm just not interested' and turns back to me and continues the conversation. Crystal got this highly offened look on her face before turning and storming off the stage…poor Mark though…he about died when he heard Roger speak up. I think that was a month before he met Maureen and for that month Roger didn't let Mark forget it. All he had to do was say the word crystal and Mark would go bright red. We even had a contest there for a little while…how many times could we make Mark blush in one day. I think the highest we ever got was 175. Wow were we bored that day."

Mark was now sitting on the floor looking at his lap. He was so embarrassed. He couldn't believe that Benny had told that story. It was humiliating. He felt a hand touch his neck and met Mimi's laughing eyes. "It's okay sweetie, that Crystal, she was a witch. You wouldn't have wanted her once you got to know her." Mimi dissolved into laughter again. Poor Marky, he never got a break.

Yeah for abrupt endings!! Please read and review!!!


	9. History

Author's Note: Yeah they still aren't mine…god how I wish they were though

Author's Note: Yeah they still aren't mine…god how I wish they were though.

Mrs. Davis watched these children, her son's friends, roll on the floor with laughter at Benny's story. She could see that they were an extremely close knit group and she knew that Roger had been an integral part of that family. Life would never be the same for these kids. Even now, when they were in complete harmony, sharing memories and laughing like it was old times, there was something missing. There was an important part of the puzzle that was missing. Roger would have been in the middle of this group, laughing, teasing, pulling Mark out of his embarrassment and cuddling Mimi on his lap. It was good to see that Mark and Mimi had each other to lean on now that Roger was gone. You could tell that they relied heavily on that support too. They were rarely a hand's breadths from each other all night. A tear dripped down her face watching them, realizing that Roger was really gone and that he would never be there to interact with this incredible group of people again. 

"Mom? Are you okay? Do you want us to leave? Do you need rest or something?" Samantha gently touched Mrs. Davis' shoulder. 

"No honey. This does me good. Please tell more stories. It makes me feel closer to my son. And it's so good to sit here and watch you all. You love each other so much. It's obvious. And it's good to know that Roger was a part of this group, to know that he was loved and that he loved you all so much." Mrs. Davis wiped her eyes and patted Samantha's hand with a comforting air. 

Mimi looked down at her hands before glancing around at her friends. She could see in their eyes what she herself was thinking. "Mrs. Davis, Roger will always be with us. He is one of the founding members of this group. In the same way that Angel has never left us truly, neither will Roger."

Mark reached over and put his arm around Mimi's shoulder as she spoke. The comforting weight and warmth of that arm drew her closer to him and she leaned against his shoulder as she finished her sentence. Her dark curls brushed up against his chin and he absently brushed them away because they tickled him. She fit against his side easily. It had become a natural pose for the two of them lately. Since Roger's death they were hardly ever far from each other. It was just natural that they would gravitate toward one and other. 

Collin's watched Mimi lean into Mark's side and thought how good it was that they had each other to lean on. Both had personalities that had made Collins worry about their safety and sanity in the first days following Roger's death. But it seemed that they kept each other from doing anything drastic. Mark had the project of not letting Mimi do anything to herself and Mimi had Mark to keep her from doing anything stupid. It worked out and they were now closer then ever before. Collins knew that nothing would ever develop from this deep friendship but he also knew that nothing would ever break this tie that they had. No matter who came into either of their lives, they would always have each other. They would always be best friends. 

Breaking the silence that had fallen after Mimi's words, Collins turned to Mark and said, "Okay Mark, tell us a good story…something to really bring out the caring, fun side of Roger Davis. It was a side few of us saw but it was there." 

Mark thought for a moment before answering. "Okay I can't think of one specific instance but I can tell about why he was so important to us. Why _he was the one you always ran to if you were having problems or just needed someone to talk to. At least, what he was to me." _

Joanne looked up at Mark's words. This was something she'd always been curious about. Why was Mark so devoted to Roger? They had been such different personalities. She didn't voice her opinions but she didn't have to because Maggie did it for her.

"I've always wondered that Mark. I mean, you're a really nice guy but Roger always hung out with the potheads in high school and made fun of the techie/film nerds…no offense."

Mark laughed along with the rest of the gang. No one really understood why Mark and Roger were best friends. It was a friendship that had been forged in time of desperation, after all Mark had been searching for a roommate and Roger had been in search of a place to crash. "Wow," he thought to himself, "that was 6 years ago…how time has flown"

Leaning back against the couch Mark allowed himself to slip into memory and relive the day he had first met Roger Davis. 

"I was walking down the street in the East Village, apartment hunting again. My ex girlfriend had recently decided that she no longer wanted to live with me even though we had been getting along fine as roommates, and since there was no way I could evict her from the lovely apartment that we shared I was left to find someplace else to live. Wandering around the East Village, dressed in clothes not unsimilar to these," he said as he absently plucked at his worn t-shirt, "I was carrying a newspaper and reading the For Rent ads with an unusual amount of concentration." He chuckled merrily to himself as he remembered the absent-minded way he had been weaving along the sidewalk. 

"Not paying attention to where I was going I tripped over a large guitar case…" 

"You tripped, and therefore kicked his guitar?" Samantha gasped. "He loved that thing. We weren't allowed to touch it when he lived with us. It was on penalty of being the monstrous little brother we knew he could be to our boyfriends if we ever touched that thing." 

Mark laughed and slipped back into memory.

[Cut to the distant past]

Stumbling slightly Mark managed to pull his eyes away from the classifieds and glanced down to see what he had tripped over before his eyes were hastily pulled up by the growl he heard issue from the throat of the incensed owner of the beautiful instrument. 

"Think you can just walk down the street kicking anybody's stuff, smart ass?" The taller man spoke as he shoved Mark in the chest. "Well think again, NOBODY touches my guitar!" Mark looked into the face of the larger man and began backing up. He'd never seen so much anger in one person's face. The man's eyes were a bright blue and he had a shock of unruly blond hair that was gelled up into spikes. 

As he backed up he tripped over a can on the street and fell back, his arms flailing out in front of him. With a yelp of surprise he fell smack down in the middle of the sidewalk. Gingerly picking himself up he dusted off his back and turned to see the man who had, a moment ago, been threatening him doubled over in mirth. 

"Okay buddy, just because I have pity for clumsy people, I'm gonna let you off with a warning," the man reached forward and grasped the front of Mark's worn sweater and lifted him slightly off the sidewalk, "but watch where you're walking! I don't want to have to beat the living shit out of you at another date and time. Got it?" Mark felt his fear rise as he was lifted off the ground but it quickly resceded when he noticed the level of mirth that was showing in the other man's eyes. Resettling himself on the sidewalk he figured this was as good a time as any to introduce himself.

Sticking out one hand while pushing his glasses up his nose with the other he said, "Okay perhaps this isn't the best time to introduce myself but I'm Mark Cohen. I was reading the rent adds when I tripped over your guitar…you don't by any chance know any cheap places in this area do you?"

The taller man stared at the outstretched hand for a minute and then gripped it in a brutally strong grip "I'm Roger Davis…and that's not just a guitar…it's _my_ guitar…watch where you walk next time. And I do happen to know of a few places that are open right now in this area. I'll give you some pointers though…any thing that is "homey" is probably rat infested ok? So don't go for anything with that in the blurb. Look…why don't you wait here for a minute and I'll show you the most available of all places…I've just got to pay my bill."

Roger walked into a small café on the street and emerged a minute later. "Ok, lets go." Quickly following Roger down the street Mark had to ask, "Um Roger? Why are you doing this for me? I mean you just met me…"

With a small grin Roger turned to the smaller man "Because when I showed up in the city a few years ago and walked into a big intimidating black guy on a corner similar to this one, he did the same thing for me. I always told him I'd repay the favor someday. Here we are. Please come up…take a look around." He unlocked the door at the foot of a staircase that led into what looked like an old music production factory and led the way up the narrow staircase. 

"How do you have the key to this place? You friends with the tenets or something?"

"Actually, I am the tenet. My roommate, Collins and I are looking for a new room mate because Collins current boy toy just left him. And we've got an extra room. You look sane. You look like you can actually afford to chip in on the rent that we rarely pay. And you look like you could use a break."

[Cut back to the Davis house]

"And that's how I got roped into this insane unit we call a family. I moved in a week later I think. I stayed scared of Roger for about a month after that. I mean I saw him at his worst…drunk…angry at Shelly, his girl of the moment back then, and then they broke up and he was unbearable. But when I started dating Maureen he was the one that made me go ask her out. And he was the one who told me to break up with her when she cheated on me the first time. He said she'd never change. And you never did, not with me at least. But he was always there."

Mark fell silent. Mimi tightened her arm around his side and gave him a squeeze. Roger had always been great that way. He was the one they always ran to when the going got tough. Maureen was looking indignant at the way Mark had talked about her. 

"Oh dear" Mimi thought, "here we go."

"What are you talking about Mark? I don't cheat! Not anymore at least…" Maureen's indignation was softened by the presense of Joanne right at her side. 

"Oh but Maureen, you did. You know you did. Especially with me. You cheated on me so many times. And I know you don't anymore. But you worried Roger. He knew you were gonna end up breaking my heart. And you did. But I got over it eventually. And he loved you like a sister…even if he never told you."

Maureen began to tear up again. Roger had been the annoying, hateful older brother she'd never had. She'd never thought he loved her. She'd always thought that he resented that she hurt Mark so much. She turned and buried her head in Joanne's shoulder. 

Okay…yeah for abrupt endings…I can't think of anything else…I've been suffering horrid writer's block…tell me what to do next! I can't think of more….it's like the epic that wouldn't end…I don't know how to end it!!!


End file.
